Occasionally the man in your life will want something that he doesn’t articulate, he doesn’t share and it’s either because he doesn’t know how to ask for the thing or he’s too embarrassed to ask for that thing. Either way, when that goes unsaid you have no idea what he may desire in the relationship. So today I’m going to share with you seven things that men want, but don’t request in a relationship.
- He wants you to be happy: Now, how does a guy ask for this? Be happy please. Be happy damn it. No, it’s pretty awkward and very ineffective, right. But the problem is your happiness you see, is a reflection of his effectiveness as a man in the relationship. Having interviewed several couples who have been married for over 40 years, the men will always say, “Look, if mom is not happy, no one is happy”. Your happiness is tied to our sense of worth as a person so we want you to be happy. So if you’re not happy don’t be surprised if your man starts to get restless and he’s either going to try to fix the thing that you’re unhappy about or he’s going to avoid until you become happy. But, your happiness is key to his happiness.
- He wants you to take interest in his interests: Men love it when you become passionate about what he’s passionate about. So whether that’s a favourite sports team or whether that’s a hobby that he loves like rc planes or racing or whether he has a job he’s passionate about. When you start to show interest in those things it builds a bond and a connection between the two of you. Men rarely ask for this. A buddy of mine was telling me a story about how he’s an avid football fan and he loves the Steelers and he called his long distance girlfriend one Sunday just to kind of check in with her and say, hey, what are you doing. And she goes, what do you mean, what am I doing? I’m getting ready for the Steeler game. Then she started talking’ about the game and what was coming up and he’s telling me, he’s like I couldn’t believe she was actually getting ready for the game. I felt my heart connect to her. I totally melted because she’s passionate about something that I’m passionate about because here’s the deal. When you connect to something that he loves the love that he has for that thing now connects to you.
- He wants you to initiate the sex: Go ahead and be bold, surprise him. Come out of the bathroom in that, some sexy lingerie, maybe that outfit you haven’t put on in a while, right. He wants you to be the one initiating sex unless however, you are the sex machine in the relationship and you’re doing all the initiating. In which case, give the man a breather.
- Your man wants to be praised and acknowledged: No man will ask for this, or rarely ask for this and yet, it’s what we crave the most is that praise and acknowledgement to know that we’re doing a good job as your man. So, it can be something as simple as just a favor that he does for you and you say, hey babe, thank you so much for bringing the food home today, I really appreciate that. Or, you can praise him for an everyday common experience like him giving you a hug, so the next time he gives you a hug whisper in his ear and say, babe did you know you give the best hugs in the world and you will see him expand. You will see him literally like feel better about himself because remember this. A man’s sense of self expands under the sunshine of your praise.
- He wants you to encourage him to adventure: Now, men we’re often conditioned to believe that women want way more time together than we want and you and I both know that that’s not true. You want your independence even as very much like he does. You want your time or time with the girlfriends just as much as he does, but men were often conditioned to believe that if we ask for time away then you’re going to get your feelings hurt or that’s going to be seen as a bad thing. So, once you actually encourage him to go adventure in his life, to go get some guy time or to go do something that he loves, he is going to love that. So you could simply say, hey babe, I’ve got Sunday brunch with my girlfriends this Sunday. Why don’t you go and create a boys day? And he’s going to love that. And, that kind of independence also generates a desire to spend more time with you.
- He wants your confidence in him: Again, this is very difficult to ask for but it’s obvious when he doesn’t get it, but it’s also very easy to show your confidence in him and here’s how it works. Confidence in him is as simple as giving him a task and then letting him complete the task for you, but often times what will happen is there’ll be the type of woman who says, hey, would you take me on a date. Would you drive me and let’s go to this restaurant? And then while they’re driving there she’s telling him the best way to go and she’s instructing him on where to park. Or she’s asking, baby, are you going to wash the dishes? And as he’s washing the dishes and putting them in the dishwasher she’s correcting him and saying no, the glass goes here and put the dish in that way and she’s micro managing the situation. He feels like you don’t trust him to really care for you when that happens. Yet, encouraging him to carry out the mission, simply sitting back and letting him help you shows you have confidence in his skill. And it is expressing faith in the man himself to show confidence in his abilities.
- Your man has a deep desire for respect: Now, when I travel 12,000 miles around the United States interviewing America’s greatest marriages, respect was the number one principle that all these couples talked about. And yet, respect can also be very vague and how do we know we respect each other. But respect shows up in the little things. It shows up in the way we listen to one another. It shows up in the way we show up on time and keep an agreement for when we’re going to meet one another. It shows up in the way we honor each other’s differences and make it okay that we don’t have to like the same things or have the same opinions all the time. And, it shows up in how we are courteous to one another in saying please and thank you for things. I remember I was blown away, one of the things that just absolutely blew my mind about my wife when we were dating was how respectful she was and how she never allowed the little items to come by without showing gratitude. And even after we got married we would go out to dinner, our bank accounts are combined, she’s contributing to the money, and I’m contributing to the money. We go out to dinner, I get the bill, I pull out, I pay for dinner and at the end of dinner she says, thank you for dinner, honey and she gives me a big kiss. And I’m thinking well hey, your money’s in here just like my money is, but simply the fact of her appreciating those little things shows respect. It shows appreciation and it makes it a big deal and it goes a long way. So, think about the ways you can give your man respect because it’s a major thing he wants he’ll probably never ask.
So there you have it. Seven things men want, but don’t ask for as a way to create a stronger bond with your man. I’ve got a question for you now. What do you want in a relationship that you rarely ask for? Go ahead post a comment in the comment section below