More often than not, we can be quick to blame someone else for the problems we face. Why can’t they notice me more? Be less personal, or listen to the words that come out of my mouth. But are you putting in the same amount of effort on the table? Can you be just as attentive as your partner? The thing about relationships is you don’t just learn how to love someone; it’s also an experience that teaches you how to be a better person. But if you’re not in the right mindset, sometimes it’s worth postponing and working on yourself first.
Here are five signs you can’t cope with a relationship.
- You put yourself first before anyone else: It’s healthy when you prioritize your health and well being, but there’s a difference between finding balance and just being downright selfish. Clinical professor Srini Pillay thinks that greedy lovers still feel inadequate. If they show love to someone, even if it’s just a little bit, they start thinking that it will be gone in no time. Selfish lovers are profoundly disturbed because they are not associated with one another. If you take more than you give to your partner, Pillay says it’s important to confront your own pain and recognize the areas you need to develop in. He also states that it’s helpful to focus your energy on hobbies that make you feel more self-connected, like running, journaling, or meditating.
- You’re prideful and you think you’re always right: It’s important for both partners to feel heard and understood in a relationship, but factors such as pride can get in the way of that. Is it really worth being right at the end of the day if you are going to lose anyone you love? Another reason some people are usually unwilling to apologize is because they believe that the other party will not take responsibility for his role in the dispute. But when you apologize honestly first, it lets your partner know that you are not proud of what you have done, and will take better steps next time instead of making the same mistakes. It’s important not to emphasize on who was right or wrong, but rather focus on what the two of you can do to prevent any mishaps from occurring in the future.
- You always depend on your partner to make you happy: Do you get anxious when you’re away from your partner or generally feel lost without them? This might be a sign of co-dependency. Ask yourself if you really love your partner or are you just emotionally dependent on them. Love is about appreciation, not possession. Psychologists state that co-dependancy stems from the lack of self-sufficiency. Since co-dependancy is often rooted from your unmet childhood needs, treatment often involves going to therapy, where you can get in touch with the feelings you’ve buried for so long. As it sounds like cliché, talking things out will eventually help you feel better. Once you confront those deep-rooted insecurities, it also allows you a chance to express them to your partner. This way, you two can build a strategy that helps push your relationship forward.
- You expect people to read your mind: Communication is a vital part of making relationships work. If you’re passive aggressive and chose not to tell your partner what’s upsetting you in fear of creating conflict or to test if they care about you, is it really fair to be mad at the other person, when they don’t even have a clue? To enhance your communication skills, avoid attaching blame when making your statements about “I.” Instead of saying “I’m upset because you never help me with the chores,” for example, you can say “I’m upset and would appreciate it if you could help me with the chores.” And you can always let them know what you want without pointing their fingers, which can also make your partner defensive.
- You have commitment issues: Commitment phobia, otherwise known as relationship anxiety, is when you have a fear of relationships. If you think you have this, note that it doesn’t mean you never want to establish a long term connection with someone, you do, but your anxieties are getting in the way. This may have been induced by many past occurrences, such as experiencing divorce from your parents or having an unhealthy, intimate relationship. As a result, you may hesitate to be vulnerable; afraid the other person will either abandon you or disappoint you. If this is an ongoing problem, consulting a therapist and gaining insight into how to treat this phobia, while studying strategies that help you maintain vulnerability, is best.
What are some of the dating problems you are going through right now? Let us know and leave a comment down below. Be sure to also subscribe to our newsletter for more helpful content. Thanks